Sunday, May 25, 2008

I just feel the need to write, to work out my thoughts in a way other than thinking them. I have really enjoyed this day. For the first time in a LOOONNNGGG while, I enjoyed church today. After a month as a nomadic church member, I finally found the ward I am supposed to attend, and I went today. Sacrament meeting was okay, but what really impressed me was the friendliness of the ward members. The girls in front of and behind me all asked if I was new and we chatted for a while, one even invited me to a barbeque at her house. It felt so genuine and friendly, and I didn’t feel weird there. Then I met up with some guys from my home ward, and we went to Gospel Principles. The teacher was starting the course over, so the lesson was on God the Father. People in the class had some really insightful comments, and I even made a few comments myself. Not the rehearsed, I-know-the-right-answer-so-I’ll-just-say-it type of comments, but I feel I was able to genuinely express my feelings and even talk about my spiritual weaknesses, such as they are.

In fact, I told the class that unlike other people who had just commented, I have grown up with a stronger connection to Heavenly Father than to Jesus Christ, something I am working through and trying to examine and strengthen. I didn’t say anything like, “I don’t believe in Jesus Christ” because I don’t think that’s true. But I adequately expressed that concern and I even heard some other comments that were helpful to me. The basic idea was this: Since God and Christ share the same attributes, then one reason for Christ to come to earth would be to show men the true character of God. Since we have no physical evidence of God himself, at least there has been a person on the earth who claimed to be his Son, to possess his same attributes, in order to show us how to be like God our Father and return to him. Much of my problem is that I often don’t know where to place Jesus in relation to God, since all the functions people attribute to Christ seem to be filled or able to be filled by the Father. This explanation I heard today made sense—in a way that resounded with my logic as well as my personal Truth-sensor.

Unfortunately, I had to cut out early from that class because my parents were both speaking in my home ward. That was also a beautiful experience. My mom talked about baptism, and gave a pretty comprehensive discourse on it. It was special to see her bare her spirituality publicly. Then my dad spoke. His topic was repentance, and he did a wonderful job. What I liked best was the personal way in which he approached the subject. He related several experiences he had with his father as a young boy, where he made a mistake and his dad got angry and punished him (physically and verbally). One time, as a teenager, he backed into a neighbor’s car, and drove off without realizing it. The next day, the neighbor called asking my dad to come over, and he walked the long mile to the man’s house. Dad apologized profusely, offering to pay for the damage. The neighbor calmly and kindly said, “No, I can pay for it. Your apology is enough.” My dad was stunned by this reaction, being used to anger and punishment in retribution for mistakes. In concluding, he said that more dads should be like that kind neighbor. I don’t exactly know why, but I got teary-eyed during my dad’s talk. I do know, though, that during those 10-15 minutes, I saw the very best of my dad. I saw the part of him that is loving, wise, honest, and tender. I think that is what made me emotional. It was a beautiful moment.