success

A couple weeks ago, I went to BYU to speak before a sociology class about my experience of being a gay Mormon. I did the same thing last semester, and it was a very positive experience for everyone involved. I was in the same class last fall, and I came out to my professor at that time. He invited me, if I was willing, to talk to his class about my experience. I accepted, and have now become the honorary gay BYU student for that class. My goal in doing this is really to increase awareness and promote understanding. So far, it has been nothing but successful, as the following reaction from a student shows (I edited my name out with dashes and a few grammatical corrections were made):


"The day that ------ came and spoke to our class about sexual orientation and his personal experience here at BYU and being gay really got me thinking. Sexual orientation is such a difficult matter because it is a subject that is very complex. It is not black and white at all. When I was younger, it was made clear to me that being gay was wrong and a very serious sin in God's eyes. I grew up in a religious, active LDS family, and for some reason grew up with the idea that someone who was gay chose to be that way because they must be wicked of course. Soon after being introduced to the concept same sex attraction, ideas and talk suggested that being gay or a lesbian was more than choice, that it was a genetic part of a person's make up. From my observation, people around me such as my parents, church leaders, and members of my community, simply regarded this scientific approach to sexual orientation as a means of justifying the wicked. Although I didn't ever hate gay people, I always thought that part of them chose to be that way. Now I think very differently when it comes to a person's sexual orientation. I am much more open now.

"As we discussed in class and read about in our text book, a person's sexual orientation is truly something that people are born with. If being gay or being a lesbian is a sin and unacceptable before God, then why would he send people to Earth with genes to make them that way? I suppose there are the people who argue that having those attractions are just a way that God is testing these people, but I would hope that the God we believe in would not be so cruel. To deny yourself of love, pleasure, and being with someone who truly makes you happy is the worst punishment I can even imagine. I mean, these people can deny, deny, deny all their lives, and then what? Are they ultimately alone? Would God really want this, when in the scriptures he states that the purpose of man and this life is to have joy? Yet, if these people "give in" to their attratctions are they forever sinners who are doomed and cut off from exaltation? It just seems like such a lose lose situation. These are questions that I have been pondering since ------ came and spoke to our class.How do I feel about same-sex marriages and or civil unions? I used to think I knew, that the answer was so clear. In our church's family proclamation it clearly states that marriage is between man and woman. But even in this church people struggle with their sexual orientation. Is it better that they never marry when we are told that marriage is the most important covenant we make in this life to help us get to the celestial kingdom? Should they deny their true heart's desires and marry someone from the opposite sex and be miserable for the rest of their lives? Is that what God wants from these people? What is the chance that they will not only hurt themselves but their families if they decide one day that they can no longer put on the facade and leave their wife and children? It is just so sad to me, and I feel like there is no real good answer to any of it, even inside the chuch.

"Ultimately I think that in the end God will be the judge and the decider of all of us, that it is not up to any of us to judge or to make the rules. I think that it is easy to say that being gay is wrong or that marriage is clearly just supposed to be between a man and a woman when we dont personally know anyone who is gay. Yet, would the people who have these so sure assumptions change their minds at all if it were their son or daughter who had these struggles? I would think they would. I think that hearing ------ and learning more about sexual orientation and the complexity of it all has if anything made me more open and understanding, and less judgemental. And for that I am grateful."