final resting place

My mom called me the other day, and while talking she said, "Guess what?! You are now the proud owner of a grave plot!" My gramma had an unclaimed gravesite next to hers, and so last weekend she and my mom decided to put it in my name. Apparently a lot of the services are paid as well as the vault and things like that. It was kind of a surreal/morbid conversation, and at one point I asked, "Is the tombstone thrown in as part of the deal?"

Death became more real for me when my aunt passed away last Christmas. I had been to many viewings and funerals before, but she was the first person close to me to pass away. I saw her health suddenly decline, and I will never forget the last time I talked with her, on Christmas Day. I sat by her and held her frail, swollen hand and she asked me about school, and I was able to tell her I loved her. The next time I saw her, her body was still warm, but her heart was no longer beating. She had passed out of this life to a better existence. I believe there is life after this life, that death is not the end of us. This belief definitely helped me deal with her passing, and I was actually glad for her, that she was able to leave her sick, tortured body to rejoin her loved ones and live a life free of mortal inhibition.

As for myself, this same belief helps me look at my eventual death more as a part of life. Death itself does not scare me. I do sometimes worry about dying a painful death or a premature death, but ultimately I won't worry about that once I'm dead. I think having a healthy appreciation for our mortality can help our appreciation of each day and the beauty around us.

One day I was walking to church, and I was looking at the sunny sky and the beautiful snow-capped mountains. I thought, "Today is a beautiful day," then "Today is the last day of life for thousands of people," followed by "Today could even be my last day." These thoughts kind of shocked me by their seriousness and morbidity, but it left me with the desire to appreciate that day and not waste any minute of it. We only have the present, and it's our choice to use it or waste it, to enjoy it or loathe it.

That news from my mom has caused me to once again reflect on my own mortality and the meaning of my life. It's somewhat comforting to know that I have a final resting place waiting for me, but really it's more important that I live my life to the fullest. When the time comes that I use that spot, whether in 70 years or 7 years, will I have been a positive change for good? Will I have helped those around me and showed them that I care about them? Will I have taken care of my loved ones? Will I have stood up for what is right and for those who are right? Will my life have been guided by God and his plan for me? I hope the answer to those questions is YES when "my time" comes. God willing.