Sunday, March 30, 2008
Dear Dad,
Perhaps one day, Dad, I'll be able to tell you that I'm a 'homosexual'. It hurt to see you shut out a whole group of people (which includes 'good' and 'bad' individuals, as any group does) based on one characteristic. I've heard you call Rosie O'Donnell a "scumbag" and a "maggot" and I know you can't even watch anything referencing gays on the news. But what if I come to you one day and let you know that this is something that I deal with as well? Will you turn away from me because I will bring you down morally? Will you shut me out because I'm different? Will you still love me?
I pray God you will, because Dad, I love you so much and always will. No matter what.
your son
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
beau sourire
:)
Friday, March 21, 2008
Gandhi's Seven Deadly Sins
Pleasure without Conscience
Science without Humanity
Knowledge without Character
Politics without Principle
Commerce without Morality
Worship without Sacrifice
Thursday, March 20, 2008
activism
their partner, parents, and the society they live in. I thought of people I've known and know now that use addictive substances and I worry about them and how that will play out in their future life.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
My spiritual journey continues....
And now, O my son Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.
Upon reading this verse I thought, "YEAH! This is what I deeply and truly believe and long for!" It goes right along with my current approach of letting God guide my life and seeking his guidance in figuring out what I should do in my life. It's certain that along the way I will have trials, troubles, and afflictions (since I already have experienced some) and it's so comforting to know that there is someone in whom I can completely trust to support me. The last clause, when I read it, brought me the same lovely feeling of peace that always means, "It will be OK. Don't worry. It will be OK." I know how I would like my life to turn out and there are things I would prefer over others, but as I put my trust in God my Father then I can know that wherever he leads me I can be confident in knowing that I should be there.
So today at church, I was reading in the Joseph Smith manual (because for once I brought it with me) and I found some gems that really struck me. I want to ponder them some more but here they are with my initial thoughts:
1. "When the fact is admitted, that the immediate will of heaven is contained in the Scriptures, are we not bound as rational creatures to live in accordance to all its precepts? Will the mere admission that this is the will of heaven ever benefit us if we do not comply with all its teachings? Do we not offer violence to the Supreme Intelligence of heaven when we admit the truth of its teachings, and do not obey them? Do we not descend below our own knowledge, and the better wisdom which heaven has endowed us with, by such a course of conduct? For these reasons, if we have direct revelations given us from heaven, surely those revelations were never given to be trifled with, without the trifler's incurring displeasure and vengeance upon his own head, if there is any justice in heaven...."
This one, I admit, knocked the wind out of me a bit. I love the boldness that Joseph Smith uses. And I agree with him 100%. IF we really do take the scriptures as being the "immediate will of heaven," THEN it behooves us to live what they teach. I believe the same goes for our own personal revelations and spiritual experiences. If God has given us light, we can then only live with our without that light. There isn't really a way to do both or neither. I'm still working out my 100% belief in the scriptures, though I know they are important and valuable. I have in the past felt peace about them being true, so I am trying to work all of that out now.
2. "Be plain and simple and ask for what you want, just like you would go to a neighbor and say, 'I want to borrow your horse to go to [the] mill.'"
Here Joseph is talking about the manner in which we pray. I love the idea of leaving the rote repetitions behind and the cliched phrases and really just saying what we mean. I was thinking the other day how in contemporary English the thee, thou, thy, thine form and the you, your, yours form have swapped meanings. Apparently thee was originally familiar and you was formal, but as we all know, they have swapped connotations in our current usage. In French we use the familiar tu form and not the formal vous form in contemporary French, so why not in English? I feel much more personal and genuine when I talk to God using you, etc. In the MTC they were so strict about using the thee form, they even passed out a paper explaining that that was the proper way to pray. In a foreign language like French there's no problem, but why must we be so awkward in English?
I also appreciate how in Joseph's example he uses a banal example for the request. It's like saying, "Hey, I'd like to borrow your car to run to the grocery store real quick." God knows us pretty darn well, so all the formality seems highly unnecessary. And I also believe he cares about our daily needs and issues.
3. "Mormonism is truth; and every man who embraces it feels himself at liberty
to embrace every truth: consequently the shackles of superstition, bigotry,
ignorance, and priestcraft, fall at once from his neck, and his eyes are opened to see the truth, and truth greatly prevails over priestcraft....Mormonism is truth, in other words the doctrine of the Latter-Day Saints, is truth. The first and fundamental principle of our holy religion is, that we believe that we have a right to embrace all, and every item of truth, without limitation or without being circumscribed or prohibited by the creeds or superstitious notions of men, or by the dominations of one another, when that truth is clearly demonstrated to our minds, and we have the highest degree of evidence of the same."
I think this is one of the clearest and most beautiful teachings I've read of Joseph Smith. At least it really resonates with me right now. I love how he defines Mormonism as the search of Truth--everywhere! And I have a suspicion that some of the creeds, superstitions, and limitations to the discovery of truth might be part of "Mormon culture" or the LDS worldview. This reminds me of when I first learned the expansive, far-reaching teachings of Joseph Smith and how it burst my limited, superstitious bubble to other possibilities and realities I had never before thought of. Truth can be found everywhere, and I think it's sad when people limit themselves out of smug self-righteousness or fear of the unknown and don't grapple with difficult ideas and feelings and come out on top with more truth than they had before.
More on all of this later, perhaps. I want to go on a walk before the sun sets since it's a nice evening (although a bit breezy). Happy Sabbath to all!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
final resting place
Je suis l'écureuil!
Qui suis-je? Who am I? Like Juno says, "I don't really know what kind of [boy] I am." My life has undergone some major crises/changes in the last few years, and while I have greatly benefitted from those experiences, they have also caused me to question much that I once took for granted or had accepted about myself. However, there are things that I do know about myself. Here are some of them:
1. I am an inherently valuable person. No matter what I do or where I am, I know that I am worth loving (by myself or others) and I know that my worth is unchangeable.
2. God loves and blesses me. I have a strong belief in my creator who is my Father. He has given me everything I have and he continues to help, guide, and bless me. Even when I feel I don't "deserve" it.
3. I owe everything to my parents, and I love and appreciate them very much. I'm an only child, and I consider my immediate family to be my mom and dad, and my gramma who lives next door to us. My aunt, who lived with my gramma, was also close to me but she passed away this past Christmas. More and more I realize how much my parents have given to me and I realize I can never pay them back completely. (The same goes for God and the way he has blessed me.) My parents are good people who have tried, as best they can, to raise me to be a good person. I think we all feel like they have succeeded.
4. I'm gay. About two and a half years ago I "came out" to myself and began a path of self-acceptance and healing that has led me where I am today. I do identify as being gay, but for now I am not living a homosexual lifestyle. I have tons of gay and straight friends, and though I have dated guys, right now I'm trying to learn to be okay as a single person. But I'm definitely attracted to guys, as is evidenced by the fact that I have been somewhat unconsciously checking out just about every guy around me today.
5. I'm Mormon. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and have done since my birth. My ancestors are among the founders of the Church, and they made great personal sacrifices to help it succeed and grow. It's a fundamental part of who I am, of my world view, and what I believe. Up until recently I have been completely devoted to its teachings and policies, but in the last year I have experienced a change in paradigm such that I am now investigating the Church all over again.
6. I have varied interests. I love French, and have been studying it for over 10 years. I've lived in both Quebec and France and I currently teach intermediate French. I also love psychology, and I have one year left for my bachelor's in psychology. I have personally benefitted from psychotherapy, and I would like to offer the same or similar help to people who need it. Right now I'm looking into counseling psychology and clinical social work as possibilities for graduate study and carreer options. I also love to DANCE! I love hip hop, ballroom, country, salsa, and any other excuse to shake it like there's no tomorrow! Music plays a large role in my life, and my iPod has been one of my closest friends. I listen to all styles of music, it just depends on my mood. I also love art (especially 19th and 20th century), traveling, eating in new/nice restaurants with friends, watching movies, going to cultural events (gallery openings, concerts, local festivals). All of these things make me happy, but most of all I love connecting with people and learning about and from them.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I'm back....
I used to have a blog, but I deleted all of it a few months ago, which I feel was beneficial since the purpose of the blog itself had become somewhat nebulous and I felt like it was my "Tom Riddle's diary", as if it was somehow possessing my soul. I also made my first blog as part of a bandwagon of friends who created their own blogs, and though it was supposed to be anonymous it never was because a friend helped me create it!
Today it was different. At least I hope so. I'm still trying to figure out what purpose I want this blog to serve. Will it be a mirror for me to see my thinking in? Will it be a way to show off my life to nameless others? Will it simply be a short fling and then become forgotten? I'm still trying to figure this out, but I figure writing something is a good start.
Mostly, I have felt the need from time to time to write something where I could possible have feedback or at least reread what's on my mind in order to figure things out. It's sometimes bizarre to me that people put their deepest feelings out there where anyone could read them, yet I do see value in sharing personal things to some extent because we are all here to learn from one another and one never knows how one's words might help someone else.
The blog title comes from my all-time favorite movie, Thoroughly Modern Millie. At the end of the movie Millie says the vivacious, go-getting Muzzy is "like a squirrel, storing the nuts of life." To me that represents the living of a full life, being open to new experiences and not being afraid to try new things. Life is a potential harvest of experiences and friends, and I am trying to live my life in that way.
So I as a squirrel am searching for those precious acorns that will broaden my experience and enrich my life. This blog will most likely be a log of the things that touch me, make me laugh, and that buzz around inside my head.