why i oppose prop 8

What an election year! There are some crucial campaigns that will be decided by the vote in November. Other than the presidential election, the campaign I am most interested in and concerned about is the one for marriage equality in California. The other day I made a feeble attempt to explain my position to the "Yes on 8!" table at school, but I would prefer to do it in writing on a blog that practically no one reads, if only to collect my thoughts and examine the issue further.

Of course I am sympathetic to the cause of marriage equality (hence voting no on prop 8) because I am gay. I realize that I cannot completely divorce myself from my situation to look at the issue completely objectively, but neither can anyone else. However, I have thought about this a lot over the summer and even more this semester, and have come up with a few specific reasons why I oppose prop 8:

1. I look to the case of interracial marriage for an illustration of another form of marriage that was looked upon as immoral, unnatural, and unnecessary. Prior to 1967, when the Supreme Court decided that banning interracial marriage was unconstitutional, there had been many movements to define marriage as being only between people of the same race, as well as legislation passed banning interracial marriage. Today, that would seem unthinkable to many to keep people from marrying because of something they did not choose--their race. I assume that the love between people of different races is the same as that between those of the same race. I simply see too many parallels between interracial marriage and gay marriage to not support a movement that would bring equal treatment and equal rights to all people.

2. When I talked to the Prop 8 people on campus, one of them told me that gay couples already have 99% of the rights of married people and so there is no need to give the term "marriage" to their relationships. The domestic partner laws suffice. To me, this smacks of "separate but equal": Black and white people both have the same right to water, but the black people need to go and use their own fountain. Rosa Parks can ride the bus with everyone else, but she'll just need to sit in the back. Still, she get's 99% of the same transportation as everyone else. That argument just doesn't fly with me. In Alma 30:7 we learn that it is "strictly against the commands of God that there should be a law that would put men on unequal grounds." Prop 8 sounds like such a law to me.

3. Some say that this debate is over the definition of "traditional marriage" and not an attempt to keep rights from people. I cannot help but wonder what tradition we are trying to uphold. Heterosexual marriage has been no picnic, especially for the millions of women who have been mistreated, abused, forced to have child after child with no recourse to birth control, and denied any right to hold property rights or have a say in family matters. Of course, there are wonderful marriages in this world where husband and wife enhance one another and create a beautiful family. However, I hesitate putting marriage up as a shining example that has "traditionally" been good for society. Patriarchal society, perhaps. I also do not understand how same-sex marriage would harm heterosexual marriages, especially religious ones. It seems to me that most men will still be attracted to women, and most women to men. If they grow up in a religion, they will most likely remain in it and marry in it. Our species would reproduce even with basic libidinal instincts. It seems ridiculous to suggest that allowing gay people to marry would somehow destroy that.

4. Opponents to gay marriage often use fear tactics to get people to vote against it. They say that religious liberties will lose respect, that traditional families will be ridiculed, that children will be taught *gasp* about gay relationships, and that free speech will be inhibited. I have read much on both sides on each argument, and while many of those proposed consequences have roots in reality, they are exaggerations. Advocates of traditional marriage also express concern for children being raised by gay parents, thinking that they will either become gay themselves or will grow up thinking homosexuality is "normal." The gay parents I have seen are among the most attentive, loving parents I have ever witnessed. You know they care about creating a good family because they have to fight to adopt children and obtain documents proving their legitimacy as a family.

My greatest reaction to the Proposition 8 broadcast I attended last Wednesday was feeling cheated on both ends. The whole time I was looking at the church leaders on the screen, my eyes begging them for an answer to this question: "You say that I as a gay member of the church can only remain a good member if I am either celibate or if I marry a woman. However, should I decide that those options are unfeasible, and pursue a long-term relationship with a man I love, you would deny me the opportunity to commit myself to him through marriage and create my own family based on the very principles I have learned in the Church. What do you want me to do?!?! How am I supposed to feel?!?!" All I can say is that the participation of my church in the ProtectMarriage campaign has been hurtful and divisive for more than myself.

With good conscience, I simply support what I feel is right and pray that God will help us all.